Dear Stupid Diary
by MehItsAutumn
Summary: After being in one too many fights on or off the ice, Tobias is suspended from his high school hockey team and required to go to therapy. The therapist discovers that Marcus abuses Tobias and sends him into foster care where he is given a journal that will be used therapeutically and as evidence against Marcus in the trial. Will he recover from his traumatic childhood
1. Entry 1 and Statement

Day 1 Saturday

She handed me this journal and said gently, "You either have to write a statement down or you have to testify in court and see him as you speak" I chose to write, but I do not want to. I do not want to tell you that once my mother died my father took a turn for the worse. He used to be strict, old fashioned, heavy handed, but for the most part fair, I guess. At least I knew what to expect back then. He was probably abusive back then too, but I view those as the years he went easy on me.

My foster mom Johana told me that writing can be a type of therapy, but I still think this is stupid. My therapist and her are the only ones who will read the journal, unless I specify otherwise. All I know is if my father wins this case and regains custody of me, he will probably kill me and not in a "my parents are gonna kill me, but really the kid is grounded for the weekend" kill me kind of way, but in a he will push me down and hit me until I can no longer breathe, until I let the darkness take me and I won't wake up in a closet this time because I wont wake up at all.

This is why I write, to strengthen the case against him, because I am so damn afraid of what will happen if we lose.

Here goes nothing

My name is Tobias Eaton and I swear to tell the whole truth so help me God. I am 14 years old and as long as I could remember I was abused by my father Marcus Eaton. When I was little he would spank me for minor offences and beat me for major ones. My mother could sometimes talk him down, but then she died and I was the only one to take his rage out on. I was eight years old when she died. Every disappointment was met with a mixture of my father's belt and harsh words. By ten I wondered if he forgot my name was Tobias and thought it was "Worthless Son of a Bitch." At eleven he signed me up for little league hockey and I was a natural enforcer among other things. He used that to his advantage. Due to my skill I was moved to the teen league and got into fights on the ice giving my father a new excuse for my injuries. He told people the black eye that he gave me the night before was actually from a hockey fight or even a neighborhood fight. These fights made my school league concerned and sent me to a therapist, who got me to eventually tell the truth. My dad hits me and I am deathly afraid of him.

Well that is my statement, I will type it up, sign it and turn it in as evidence.

**AN Well here is the first chapter for a story that has been in my head for a while. I hope I do the story in my mind justice as i tell it on here. I will try to update daily as if it were a journal written in daily, but once school starts back up I will be swamped. Well that is all for now. Tell me what you think and if you like hockey what is your NHL team.**


	2. Entry 2

Day 2 Sunday

I told her that I had no idea what to write about so she suggested I explain the circumstances that got me out in more detail. Here goes nothing. My father had enrolled me in hockey as a kid, which helped me to vent my anger and frustration so that was good, I guess. He used it to explain my injuries, which generally worked because I got into a lot of fights on the ice, so many that the league made me see a therapist about my aggression.

My father was pretty angry about me seeing the therapist, but our insurance covered it and at this point I was a part of the school league and they would kick me off the team and out of school if I did not comply. So I went with a warning. If I told the kind doctor about the beatings, I would never see the light of day again.

I sat in the doctor's office silently. He asked me questions and I answered as quickly as possible, more often with the shake if my head than an actual word. I could not give anything away. I wanted to be cleared for reentry to the hockey team, but he would not until I revealed my secrets or something. I was not going to budge, the beatings had already gotten worse at this point because of the therapy time and my father's fear of being caught.

At the fourth appointment, we meet monthly, my doctor told me that he knew I had a secret and we would play a game to allow me to speak it without words. I probably looked at him like he was crazy and to be entirely honest, I was a tad buzzed at this appointment because my father beat me two hours before and the alcohol numbed my pain a little.

At my third appointment I didn't speak at all so Dr. Wu told me I have to speak to be allowed reentry in the league and my suspension is up at the fifth game this season. (I faced a ten game suspension at the end of last season so it carried over to the new season.)

"Today you need to speak."

"Okay" I rolled my eyes.

"You don't trust me."

"You think?"

"I have not done anything to earn your distrust."

"Haven't done anything to earn my trust either."

"Are you always this cynical, to distrust everyone?"

"Maybe."

"Why would that be?"

"You're the shrink you tell me."

"Someone has broken your trust in the past."

"Any more details doc?"

"Tobias, I think you know the source of your aggression, but are afraid to tell me."

"I am not a coward."

"Then tell me."

"I have reasons not to."

"I might be able to help."

"If you fail it will get worse."

"That is interesting."

"How so?"

"You admit there is an ongoing issue in your life, that is pretty bad, but refuse to get the help to make it better."

"Maybe I deserve the pain."

"What pain?"

"I don't know man, emotional pain I guess."

"You guess your pain is emotional?"

"Yeah, I suppose it is."

"But is there physical pain?"

I hesitated, "If I tell you, then you help make it stop."

"Yes, Tobias" I cringe at my name and wonder the best way to do this.

"How about I show you?" I whisper as I gently pull my shirt over my head.

"Who did that to you?"

"Who do you think?"

"I have my ideas but it is best for you to tell me."

"My father, Marcus Eaton, of Eaton Industries."

"Now I can make sure he never hurts you again."

"Yeah right, you are just going to make it worse."

"No, sit tight while I make some calls."

He called the receptionist to make sure Marcus didn't leave, then called 911 to report the abuse to the police and had bot a cop car and an ambulance sent over.

The next thing I knew I was in the back of an ambulance with my therapist and my father was in the back of a cop car. He was arrested and my injuries were documented and I was placed in Johanna's custody for the length of the trial. I also have therapy every workday until the trial ends and my therapist Dr Wu is trying to get me to go to a support group, because apparently I am such a talker and it would help.

I didn't say anything when I entered the house, to be honest I was quite rude and Johanna does not deserve to be treated like that and I don't deserve her kindness. She would say different. I am sure she thinks that everyone deserves kindness, but I am sure that I don't.

**AN Here is chapter two hope you like it! **

**PS Go Detroit Red Wings**


	3. Entry 3

Day 3 Monday

Today was the first day of my new school, Lakeview, the Hawks, and they were the rivals of my old school, Roth Hill, the Boars. Hockey tryouts are Friday. I guess I will have to talk to Johanna and the shrink about the possibility of me trying out. I am only 14, barely a sophomore, but scouts were watching me. I am a good linesman. The captain Zeke is only a sophomore as well and we have fought a few times on the ice so I was nervous to be in the same gym period as him. I am sure he recognized me but didn't say anything until lunch. He told me I could join him and his friends, so I agreed.

"I'm Zeke, this is Shauna my best friend, do I know you from somewhere?"

"I was on the Roth Hill Boars last year. Four the Enforcer." I mumbled the last bit.

"I'm glad you won't play against me this year, you sure can pack a punch. How did you learn to fight like that?"

"Just a natural, I guess."

"Sure, sure, so why did you move."

"That is none of your business." I said this harshly.

"Okay, so I can tell you are an open book."

"Whatever." I walked off and ate a few tables over. They kept on with their meal and occasionally looked over at me confused. The rest of my school day was uneventful. It is only the second week of school and my classes were all the same so I don't have anything to catch up on so that is good. Sometimes I wish I knew how to be kind, to be a friend. I know how to be a teammate. I know how to look after each other on the ice or field, but I don't know casual conversation and other niceties. I have not learned kindness.

Johana just called me to come downstairs so I will pick this back up when we finish talking or whatever she wants.

Zeke came over, he got my address from the couch and decided to talk things out with me and figure out what my problem was at lunch. I did not know how to tell him that I am a foster kid now because my therapist discovered how badly the snot was beaten out of me, but it is obvious that Johanna is not my mom because she and I look nothing alike.

"So man sorry for prying earlier, it is none of my business if you don't want me to know why you changed schools."

"I overreacted, you only asked one question and I flipped out. It was a pretty standard question at that. It's just that I don't know how to talk about this. Everything is so new now."

"If you don't want to explain you don't have to. I just want us to be cool."

"I feel like you need to know, but I am not good at expressing my emotions as my shrink would say," I pause and sigh, "The reason I changed schools is that I was removed from my father's care and placed into Johanna's custody for the time being." I grabbed the tablet on the counter that I was told I am free to use and googled Marcus Eaton and pulled up the first news article. 'Toy Executive Arrested for Child Abuse' and handed the tablet to Zeke. "I would appreciate it if you don't go around telling everyone."

His mouth formed an o and he whispered, "Yeah man I will not tell a soul." He looked at me like I was a kicked puppy, but only a little bit so I guess I could live with it. The expression faded quick so maybe I imagined it.

"Dude, I am so sorry I asked and of course I won't tell anyone, but I can't prevent them from finding out, but if they do it was not me."

"Thanks, I just don't want everyone to think I am some wimp that allowed him to beat me regularly, even though it is true. I don't want everyone to know how pathetic I am."

"WHAT! Just because you are supposed to be some tough jock, does not mean you let yourself in this situation. You are his child. No one should treat their kids like this."

"But I know how to fight and I am good at fighting, you should know that. I am pretty sure I gave you a black eye in our last game against each other."

"What would have happened if you hit your father? Be honest."

"He probably would have beat me worse than normal, and normal was beating the shit out of me, and locked me in a closet with no food or water for a long time."

"So would fighting back be smart?"

"It would have made me brave and not a coward."

"There is a fine line between bravery and stupidity, fighting back would have crossed that line."

"I guess, look it is close to dinner time and I don't know how Johanna is about guests at the last minute and after dinner I have to see my therapist so I think you should leave soon."

"Alright man, I will see you tomorrow at school"

"Okay."

Then I came back up here and wrote this down. I have decided that I will testify at the trial, sometimes it is brave to be honest.

I let my therapist George read my journal and he agreed that me going to the trial would be for the best and said he was already a witness but that he would be there especially when I spoke. Johanna was going to be there for me as well. He also made me practice saying that I was abused out loud because it is cathartic or something. He performed a mock interview and made me answer all the questions honestly.

I'm sure one day I will say the sessions helped but right now they just make me feel worse. I would rather run away from all of this shit and never think about it again, that or constantly confront it until the fear disappears. He did say that I am cleared to practice with the team and will be reevaluated to play after the suspension period is up and after he talks to the couch. I haven't met the couch yet but Zeke wants to set up a meeting between the couch, himself and me after school.

I also talked to Johanna after she read today's earlier entries and she said that I am more than welcome to have friends over for dinner and she always purposely cooks to have leftovers so it isn't an inconvenience if they are last minute. I would have never invited friends to my father's house.

**AN Yay Tobias is slowly making a friend and being brave. I don't think this is my best, but I have procrastinated uploading long enough...**


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